TT 10 - Science versus Disease.

"Biscuit?"
"Thanks." Eleanor Briding takes an all-butter shortbread from the barrel.
"And how is the lovely Len these days?"
"Oh, don't ask!"
"Why? What's happened?"
"We've had another 'incident'."
"Really?" Eleanor leans forward with interest.
"Well, it was rather extaordinary, really." Alison is blushing.
"He didn't make a pass, did he?" Eleanor says in a gossipy whisper.
"Not exactly."
"Not exactly?"
"Well, you know we've been encouraging him to use the barn as a little workshop, give him a nice little hobby."
"Right."
"Well, I was sitting here the other day, and he appears at the kitchen door. Would I go and look at something he's made? And so of course, I say yes. Well, when I get into the barn he's made this large...cage...well, more of a coop really, only it's huge, the size of a small greenhouse."
"Oh dear!" says Eleanor, sensing where the story is going.
"Well, it was all a bit embarrassing, I mean it was so awful, not practical at all. So as a little joke, I got inside and pretended to be locked in."
"Oh Alison, you didn't!"
"Why, what was wrong with that?"
Eleanor shakes her head, "Nothing, really, go on, what happened?"
"He got a little...excited."
"Oh no!." Eleanor covers her face with her hands, enjoyably scandalised. "You got in Len's gimp cage."
"His what?"
"His gimp cage. You know. Some people get a pervy kick from being locked in cages."
"Honestly Ellie, where on earth do you get these things from?"
"I'm a doctor."
"Your patients tell you about things like that?!"
"Not the patients, the nurses." Eleanor takes a sip of tea. "What happened then?"
"He asked me for a hug."
"Oh no!"
"I walked out. I said, No, I'm sorry, that isn't going to happen."
"Where is he now?" Eleanor asks.
"I don't know and I don't care. Out in his 'gint cage' I expect!"

Eleanor holds her mug up to her mouth to conceal her smile. She doesn't mean to but she can't help it. She keeps picturing Alison Carduggan, with her round innocent face and neat silver bob, locking herself into Len Magma's cage. She decides to change the subject. In fact, the reason for her visit is to fish around and see if she can find out why Glandice went decidedly frosty at the mention of the Carduggans in the post office the other day. She is about to ask Alison if she's seen Glandice lately when they hear an appalling scream.
"Suzie!"

They run out into garden, faces frozen with repressed fear. They are relieved to see that Suzie is standing up, although she's clutching her hand and is as white as a sheet. Basil looks at them with huge, terrified, guilty eyes.
"What happened!" Alison demands. She takes Suzie by the shoulders. "Are you OK?"
"It's Nothing. I'm fine. Basil found a worm that's all."
"You're shaking." Says Eleanor. "Basil, what have you been doing?"
"What's this?" Alison has spotted a small table-lamp plugged into an extension lead. Wires are coming out from the socket where the bulb should be. At the end of the wires are two spoons with plastic handles.
"Good lord - did you get an electric shock!" Alison pushes her hair up from her forehead with both hands.
"No!" Suzie says, frightened and embarrassed in equal measures.
"Thank God they were wearing their wellies." Eleanor says, unplugging the lamp from the extension reel. She takes Suzie's hand and examines it. "She seems fine." She glares at her son. "Basil?!"
"It's nothing, is it Basil?" Suzie says hastily. "We needed a light, to look at insects. Basil found a worm and I touched it. It made me scream"
Eleanor can see from Basil's face that Suzie is lying. She raises her eyebrows.
"I told her not to touch the spoons on the metal bit." Basil crumbles.

"What on earth did you think you were doing?" Eleanor demands.
"Toffee has Dementia Praecox." Basil explains sheepishly. "We were going to cure him."
"Wha...? Where on earth...you were going to...?" She wipes her hand across her mouth, she is so exactly on the border between laughing and crying she can't do either.
"And 'Dementia Praecox'! Where on earth did you get that term?"
Suzie, hoping the authority of the source might absolve them in some way, hands Basil's Mum the copy of 'Enquire Within: the book that every household needs.' It is opened at 'Science versus Disease: electrification.'

"OK." Eleanor sighs, and hands the book to Alison to see. She puts her hands together, rests her finger-tips against her lips and takes a deep breath. You must not, you WILL not, ever, ever, EVER, play around with anything electrical again. Ever! Do you hear me?!'
"Yes Mum." Basil lowers his eyes to the ground.
"Suzie?!" Alison looks at her daughter sternly from under her eye-brows.
"Yes Mum. Sorry Mum. We just thought..."
"I don't care what you thought. You do not play with electrical things. You know that - I'm surprised at both of you!"
"Sorry."

A thought occurs to Alison. "Where's Toffee?!"
"Don't know, we couldn't find him anyway. Stupid dog." Suzie says, sulkily.
"Well that's just as well" Alison snaps, fear giving way to anger, "because you would have killed him!"
Suzie bites her lip and looks properly repentant for the first time.
"What makes you think Toffee' has Dem..., Toffee's scizophrenic?" Eleanor can't help asking.
"She barks at nothing!" Says Suzie, still looking at her feet as she kicks at the lawn.
"And she has unpredictable mood swings." Basil adds optimistically, hoping this might clinch it.
"I'll have an unpredictable blooming mood swing you ever do anything like that again." Eleanor says. "Now back inside the house, both of you." She catches Alison's eye and they both giggle silently, part shock, part disbelief, and perhaps even part pride in the terrifying imaginations of their own offspring.