TT 35 - Michael Can't Wait for Christmas

"Where does the Church of England stand on homosexuality, exactly?"
Douglas' eyes widen momentarily. "Oh, gosh, good question." He laughs and pours himself some more tea. He's hoping this is one of Michael's random issues. Last week it was stem-cell research. He tips his tea-pot at Michael and raises his eyebrows. "More?"
"No. Thank you."
"So. 'The Big Question'." Douglas says, theatrically, hoping to indicate the complexity of the issue without actually having to say anything complex.
"I mean" Michael leans forwards slightly "what is the official line at present?"
Douglas finds his mind filling with set phrases from the various working papers he's read on the issue. "Well the church aims to be inclusive, of course."
"Aims to be, perhaps" says Michael. "But is it?"
"I believe it is. Yes. There are a number of openly gay clergy in the Anglican church, you know."
"But not Bishops." Says Michael, pulling the first emboucher of the evening.
Normally, Douglas would take a quick toot down the air-oboe himself at this point, but he's already feeling slightly defensive. "Small steps. Small steps."

"I'm never quite clear on where the church stands on the whole issue of gay sex, though." Michael says.
"Well, physical expressions of love within a covenented relationship are certainly more acceptable to God than unloving or promiscuous sexual relationships, whether heterosexual or homosexual."
"So gay sex isn't sinful. That's the official line."
Douglas rests his tea cup on the arm of his chair. "Well of course sex outside marriage isn't encouraged."
"But gay people can't get married."
"Well, no." Douglas feels irritated. He feels put on the spot. He wants to say "Look kid I don't make the rules!" Instead, he draws in a discrete breath and crosses his legs in the opposite direction.
"Suppose I'm your parishioner." Michael says. "And I come to you, and I say, I'm gay, I'm in a close and loving relationship. How far should I go with my boyfriend?"
"I would advise you to examine your own conscience."
"I have." Says Michael, who is good at role-play. "And I feel comfortable with all aspects of my sexuality, but I want to know whether gay sex is sinful in the eyes of the Lord."

Douglas, who isn't comfortable with all aspects of role-play, pulls on his left earlobe. "My role would be to listen sensitively to my parishioners, whatever their sexual orientation, or cultural background, or class, for that matter. I certainly wouldn't consider it my place to pry into the intimate details of their personal life."
"But if they asked?" Michael persists.
"If they asked, I would say that ideally, an unmarried couple, whether straight or gay, should refrain from expressing themselves genitally. But that's the ideal."
"Expressing themselves genitally?!" Michael laughs. "What does that mean? Peeing art-works into the snow?"
Douglas throws his head back and laughs loudly. The sudden levity is a huge relief. "Oh, that's very good. Yes. Strange way of putting it perhaps."
"Well it's a useful way of not saying 'anal sex' I suppose. Michael feels very bold saying these words and is a bit disappointed that Douglas seems to take them in his stride.
"Well, I suppose it's intended to cover a range of sexual...procedures."

Michael sits back and thinks for a moment. "So basically, sex outside marriage is a sin, and same-sex couples can't get married in the Church of England."
Douglas suppresses a sigh and looks beleaguered. "As things stand, at present, yes."
"I'm sorry." Says Michael, suddenly relaxing his body posture. "I realise this must be difficult for you.
" No, no. Not at all." Douglas leans back in his chair and smiles broadly to prove it. "It's a common misconception that vicars are embarassed by the topic of sex but it's a central part of Christian love..."
"I just meant, you know, for you personally."
"For me personally?"
"Well...you know...!"
On the one hand, Douglas knows exactly what Michael means, but on the other, he has no idea whatsoever. The opposing pressure of these two equally slippery hands forces Douglas to pop up like a bar of soap. Finding himself on his feet, he grabs a packet of milk chocolate digestives from his desk and waves them in Michael's face to fend off further comment. "Biscuit?!"
"No, thank you."
Douglas goes and sits behind his desk and clasps his hands together. He pulls a copy of the Parish Newletter towards him as though he were perusing Michael's rather disappointing end-of-term report. "Well, I'm glad we've had this little chat." He says. He gathers himself together. "And important, too, I think. One mustn't become complacent. And you're right. There are some ...inconsistencies in the church's position at present."
"Mmm." Michael chews at his nails thoughtfullly. He's about to say something but changes his mind.

They sit in silence for a moment. Both men would like to change the subject and cheer themselves up a bit, but neither have the energy to effect the conversational shift. Douglas tries to pour some more tea from the empy pot. He takes the lid off and peers inside as though this will solve the strange mystery of the barren spout. "Oh, we're out of tea. I'll make a fresh one."
Michael holds up his hand. "Not for me, thanks Douglas. I ought to be getting off. Busy day tomorrow." Actually, he's planning to drop in on Marcus, a German philosophy student, on his way home.
"Of course." Says Douglas. "I still have a few things to do myself."

Douglas sees Michael out then returns to his study. He stares out into the dark High Street at the Christmas lights and strokes his upper lip. Did Michael Glebe just come out to him? Of course he did. He wasn't just posing a hypothetical question, he was looking for guidance. Douglas feels that he didn't do a very good job. He decides to do some more reading on the issue. The thought of this peculiarly modern pastoral challenge rather pleases him. He's dertermined to help Michael on this difficult journey, however he can. His eyes lazily scan the framed print of Michelangelo's Ganymede that hangs over the small, white-painted wooden fireplace. He wonders whether Michael really does have a boyfriend or whether that was hypothetical, too. No, he decides: Michael's a pretty cautious young chap. Quite naive in many ways. Douglas very much doubts he has 'acted out' as modern parlance would have it. He takes a chocolate digestive and settles back into his chair with The Guardian and a ball-pen. There's still one clue in the Cryptic crossword he just can't get and he's determined to nail it by bedtime.